Letter to Animal Testers

My friend Claire, owner of Fei’d Skincare, wrote to some of the companies who have been testing on animals. Here are her hilarious letters to animal testers that I had to share with you.

Here’s one of my favorites:

Email to Fabrizio Freda, CEO of Estee Lauder

From: Claire Gutschow <claire@meldlabs.com>
Date: November 21, 2012 2:52:59 PM PST
To: ffreda@estee.com
Subject: Fabrizio Freda… are you out there???

Dear Fabrizio

You don’t know me. Well, of course you don’t. What are the chances you would know the founder of a skin care company so small we probably make less than you spend on cupcakes in a year? Okay that’s not fair – anyone with a Pinterest account knows that macaroons are the new cake pops are the new cupcake. Regardless, I think it suffices to say that we’re a pretty insignificant player compared to you. What difference can we make in the world? Blah blah blah. But here’s the thing… we’re super-tough. We have (to put it bluntly), balls of steel. We’re kinda like the Terminator, if he had a pink bow and wore stilettos periodically. And if he cared. A lot. And if he was trying to make the world better, while simultaneously running a business and removing ketchup stains and explaining the meaning of life to a 4-year-old.

And the one thing we just don’t get is how you can still test on animals? We’ve wracked our brains to think of a way to try and stop you. To make you see how extremely… well… dumbass it is. And short of Terminator-tactics (which we don’t believe in, despite how much we want to rip out a bazooka sometimes), we can’t think of anything. So we’re sending you this email. Hoping that maybe you read it. That maybe you care just a little what people in the real world have to say.

How do you sleep at night knowing you hurt animals? Don’t you think its more important to get a good night’s sleep than run a company that’s worth, like, a gazillion dollars? I guess not. Otherwise you’d be one of those hairy PETA canvassers outside Whole Foods. You know… the ones we all run away from because they smell like over-enthusiastic lentil soup? Don’t worry, we aren’t asking you to grab the nearest clipboard and jump on a ship destined for the Antarctic. What we’re asking is that you somehow develop a freakin’ conscience. And at least try to make the world a better place than it was before you joined it.

Dude, seriously…. enough already. You need to stop this. Being rich does not make it okay. Not anymore.

Claire

About Fei’d Skin Care:

Fei’d™ is specifically formulated to visibly improve uneven skin tone, pigmentation and dark marks. Pronounced “fade”, and derived from the Chinese word “fei”, it was developed by a collaboration between modern skin care scientists and ancient Chinese healers. Mulberry, licorice and Dianella Ensifolia extracts brighten and lighten the appearance of the skin. Shanzha and Huang Qi active-botanicals visibly target sun spots, sun damaged and aging skin

You can read more of Claire’s awesome letters to animal testers here. And I encourage you to send your own!